"Jewasian"

"What's that?"

"A Jewish Asian. Or Jewsion, you know, like "fusion"?"

"it's a Jewish choir"

"oh, that's why there's no Asian kids... oh no! Wait, there's one!"

"what's that smell?"

"it's my socks burning." (said while leaning against fireplace)

"oh my god, it is your socks burning!"

"aww, look at her, sitting on her Binky..."

"what did you just call it?!"

"her BINKY."

(no response)

"shut up."

(after being interrupted by the cat doing something that he shouldn't)

As I was saying.... "If you change your mind, I'm the first in line, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me"

-this continues through 2 chorus's and another verse.

"Are you just fucking with me right now?!"

"No."

"ARE YOU RETARDED?!"

Babe he cant breathe...

He can breathe.

What just happened?

I just dropped my soap in the toilet, that we all pee-ed in, reached in, pulled it out, and rinsed it off.

I would have done the same thing.

Im gunna go wash my face.

I saw him in the last few years and thought, "how are you not dead yet?!" he's got to be at least 90, now.

if you're going to make me stand here, I'm going to put all my effort into your genitals

I had to paint 80 year old penis and testicles

Why are you looking down your pants in the middle of Denney's?

You remind me of someone Ive never met.

Can I have a banana?...I forgot to eat....self-care just went out the fucking window.

"i just got scared by the blanket"

"you mean the warm, cuddley thing?"

"Do you happen to know if I need first aid and/or CPR for the position as respite worker?"

"No, you don't. Just don't be
John Wayne Gacy."

"a-mazing."

It's really hard when your office is a sofa with your bff and babies and a fireplace

"did you take it all at once?"

"no, it's too much."

"you just need to let it get you salivating. your jaw just needs to loosen up a bit."

"how's ____ doing?"

"her roommate."

"what do you think i just asked you?"

"who's ____ doing?"

"not so much."

he just took the stinkiest shit. can you smell it? it smells like hamburgers.

i just sit there and fucking whip it for like twenty minutes.

the good get gooder.

look at how perfect his dumb balloon is. and look at how perfect his dying man is.

"i would totally do scott speedman even with his spare tire."

"i was totally thinking the same thing!"

"i had no idea that there was this tiny area in south america...."

(interrupting) "that speaks france?"

"no. that practices hinduism. did you just say 'that speaks france'?"

"yup."

so I'm watching the television at the gym, the opening of the World Series, and guess who's singing the National Anthem?

i'll wear your underwear.

why the fuck are we putting our face in a cats mouth?

when there's no nuts in nuts they're called nerts.

there's no nuts in his nuts though

your hands are on his nuts

your hands are on his nuts

if i say sugar buns one more time i'm going to have to kill myself.

what does it mean that you want me to play with your security blanket?

i mean, what column would your vibrators go under?

you need to stop thinking of me, in a broom closet, giving an oral exam.

these bubbles don't go with my communist party.

why doesn't my phone know how to spell pedophile?

i put a condom on this banana and i'm pretty sure it has kept for twice as long!

you can never be too safe.

instead of hiding your crazy you are just like funny and goof around. Instead of like holding a knife in the middle of the night

so we can add to the list as long as at least two of us are pregnant?

I am going to shit my pants

so they're like what, having romance in the bathroom?

oh my god, breanna, oh my god. get that knife out of your nose!

that does not smell as good as i think i was

are you trying to make me feel your boobs?

don't blow in my mouth anymore.

do you want us to mack on each other?

oh, you know what happens when i try to say breanna? dirty fucking vagina! oh oh sorry that's just how i pronounce your name.

if I ever cry because of TMZ, don't tell anyone, ok?

i just left the condom on while i ate the banana.

well, that's not even alphabetized! (quieter voice)... maybe it is.

hey guess what?! i have BO, just on one side and i don't know why but watch while i put it all over breanna!

you really hurt me with all that hitting

"I don't know, but it's giving me pain in my abdomen!"

"my BO is not giving you pain!"

you're a vagina, don't make me hit you.

i'm licking my face cuz my butt's getting scratched!

my face feels dumb

are you brushing your eyebrows with the same toothbrush you brushed your teeth with?

yes. it is all my face.

are you okay?

no because they have the most beautiful love story!

all the maxi pads and female condoms you're not suppose to take "just for fun" time

THERE HAS BEEN A MUTANY ON THE SHIP!!!!

goats have smaller fat cells than cows because they are smaller animals.

i like you less when you put your bum hole on me.

yes, please don't put your bum hole on her. we don't put our bumholes on you. that would be weird.

feel my running butt, it's fantastic!

One more day! Hello... you...question mark!!!

This is all lube on the (kitchen)counter, from when i pulled out all the the condoms from the garbage and counted them, to see how many there were...

"I don't know if I want to have sex with him... or if its because I want sex so badly that any cute boy will do."

"michellle why are you having talk about tips of tinfoil with my brother online?"

wow, i'm squirting all over everything tonight!

" your accent makes me hate you."

" did you want some insides>?"

well ya then jesus came along with his magic tricks....."

"what? I'm a pillow biter"

"and I did not want to know that"

when i put maxi pads in Jacks pants, he puts open condoms in my room. that's called keeping each other accountable.

Most lesbians I know need a good deep dicking every once in a while

condoms don't usually stain, right?

there are many stages in which a towel becomes unusable. this is stage one; when it kinda smells like butter.

"what did the cat eat?"

"jack's cigarettes."

why is your butt in the air dude? thats all i can see

they're gonna find those Maxi Pads

that's what you think of my ass, that I could just swallow a dog with it

you almost just swallowed the dog with your ass

you look fatter. are you pregnant?

i can't even touch my nipples today. i was in the shower crying.

sometimes when i'm bored i ask for directions in a british accent.

every time i make it come here...

"are you kicking my cat?"

"no, i'm just redirecting its path."

sniffing the sheets after

insert hand twirl

it's like having sex with a garbage bag hanging out of your vag

if you like me, you'll eat it

i'm emotionally unavailable right now.

i guess her brain is in her pussy right now.

did you get your brochure on abstinence? we highlighted some things for you.

hey how bout you stop doing it with the fucking door open?

i especially enjoyed the grand finale; the female condom on the ceiling.

October 17th 2009

2:46 PM "the toilets fine, except for the poo explosion"