"Are you just fucking with me right now?!"

"No."

"ARE YOU RETARDED?!"

Babe he cant breathe...

He can breathe.

What just happened?

I just dropped my soap in the toilet, that we all pee-ed in, reached in, pulled it out, and rinsed it off.

I would have done the same thing.

Im gunna go wash my face.

I saw him in the last few years and thought, "how are you not dead yet?!" he's got to be at least 90, now.

if you're going to make me stand here, I'm going to put all my effort into your genitals

I had to paint 80 year old penis and testicles

Why are you looking down your pants in the middle of Denney's?

You remind me of someone Ive never met.

Can I have a banana?...I forgot to eat....self-care just went out the fucking window.

"i just got scared by the blanket"

"you mean the warm, cuddley thing?"

"Do you happen to know if I need first aid and/or CPR for the position as respite worker?"

"No, you don't. Just don't be
John Wayne Gacy."

"a-mazing."

It's really hard when your office is a sofa with your bff and babies and a fireplace

"did you take it all at once?"

"no, it's too much."

"you just need to let it get you salivating. your jaw just needs to loosen up a bit."

"how's ____ doing?"

"her roommate."

"what do you think i just asked you?"

"who's ____ doing?"

"not so much."

he just took the stinkiest shit. can you smell it? it smells like hamburgers.

i just sit there and fucking whip it for like twenty minutes.

the good get gooder.

look at how perfect his dumb balloon is. and look at how perfect his dying man is.

"i would totally do scott speedman even with his spare tire."

"i was totally thinking the same thing!"

"i had no idea that there was this tiny area in south america...."

(interrupting) "that speaks france?"

"no. that practices hinduism. did you just say 'that speaks france'?"

"yup."